The Survivors are insane. They’d like you to believe that being stranded on the island has done this to them. Don’t let them fool you. They were all mad as hatters when they got here.

Monty is wandering the island, mumbling things like, “Don’t like my slogan, don’t like my pictures… I’ll show you all!” Utopia was last seen screaming, “First I lose my house bitch and now you steal my pictures!” at Tammy who is still hiding in the tree. Rose has been looking all pixel-ly. The others aren’t sure how to take this.

Nat is extra chipper these days. “I’m untouchable! Take that, bitches!” She seems to think she is doing well at this Surviving, but there are still weeks to go. YummY! and Chad have teamed up and scouring the island in search of Cheeseburgers.

Mango is getting worse. His ramblings make less and less sense, “Fuck You Shutter! Fat Chicks in Bikinis! I didn’t sign up for this Jeck! Fuck you and your cruise. It’s Uncle Jesse and Uncle Jesse, Get it. Get it? Fuck you A-E!”

And Mike just sits and watches the waves.

The Survivors all gathered to compare pictures. There were ‘ows’ and ‘ahhs.’ Utopia kept shooting Tammy dirty looks while she was showing her pictures. Everyone just looked at their feet during Mango’s pictures. It seemed best to avoid eye contact. And then Mike showed his pictures.

The others started mumbling. “What is this shit?” “Did he brings these from home?” “Is that his kid?” “What the Fuck!”

Before he could even show all of them, the other Survivors jumped up and beat him unconscious. They drug his limp body out to the the lagoon and rolled it in, hoping to keep the sharks well fed and happy.

The next day, they decided that all of this had been very stressful. This week they would celebrate Independence Day by having a Watermelon Carving Contest. The watermelons will be submitted for judgment, Tuesday, July 10.

I told you they were all crazy.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

One week on the Island and they are already starting to crack. Some have noticed that it seems like much more than a week has gone by, it’s probably just the heat.

Mango has chained himself to a tree and has been heard mumbling to himself, with the occasional outburst, “Fuck You Shutter!” Utopia has been sitting on a rock, sipping imaginary drinks. She’s been holding a mango to her ear, giggling. She has also taken to addressing several large rocks as Daleks. She seems to enjoy shouting at them, “Annihilate! Destroy!”

Rose has been making cookies out of mud and feeding them to other Survivors, only Monty seems to suspect something. Speaking of Monty, she has been wandering around trying to be social, but she keeps saying things like, “You bitches are going down!” As though no one can hear her. Tammy has climbed a coconut tree and won’t come down. The others are afraid to go near it. They know she’s going to have to pee sometime, and they suspect she has been holding it until one of them strays too close.

Chad has dug a trench and fashioned a helmet out of coconut. He sits in trench staring out menacingly at the others. His sanity was stretched before this started, he may be near the end of his rope. Nat has been wandering around, in her tie die shirt proclaiming to anyone who will listen, “I am not a Goddammed Hippie!” The other just nod politely before scurrying away.

Mike has been sitting on the beach watching the surf come in. He writes poems in the sand, and when the waves wash them away, he writes new ones. The others are terrified of him. Yummy! has split her time between shouting at random intervals, “A burger, a burger, my kingdom for a burger!” and trying to convince unsuspecting Survivors to go swim the ‘dolphins.’

And Sparky… poor, poor Sparky. After the survivors had all sat around to compare notes on their slogans, they all decided that Sparky’s effort was the weakest. Not only that, but he seemed like an all around good guy and was pretty unassuming. In other words, they singled him out. Late that night, they unchained Mango and went to find Sparky. He was sleeping serenely under a palm tree. The lashed together a raft and put him on it. They pushed it off into the lagoon and watched as the tide took Sparky out to sea.

“Why didn’t we just use the raft to escape?” One of them asked. “Are you fucking dumb, you don’t want to be stranded on that thing in the heat with no water!” Mango replied. They all looked at him and then chained him back up.

The Slogans sucked. They would never bring in people to the SBC. They needed a new plan. They needed to get their story to the world. They had used all the available ink on the slogans, but they did still the complimentary cameras from the ‘cruise.’ They were very nice, as far as disposable cameras go, they even said ‘be proud, be shitty!’ on them.

The Survivors knew what they must do. They had to tell their story using pictures. There could be no captions. And it had to be done by 3 PM EST.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

10 Shitty Bloggers signed up for the First Ever Shitty Blogs Club Cruise. When they showed up at the Dock, they were disappointed (but not really shocked) to find that the ship was less of a Cruise Ship and more of a big row boat. They were even more disappointed (but still not shocked) when Jeckles expected them to do the rowing.

Oddly, no sensed the coming disaster, even after Jeckles announced it would be “a three hour tour, a Three. Hour. Tour.” You would have thought that the ominous repeating of the words “three hour tour” would have tipped some one off.

Predictably a squall came out of no where and devastated the little boat. The Bloggers were able to swim to a small island. Jeckles was no where to be found, but they sensed he must be somewhere nearby, pulling unseen strings.

Their first thoughts were of Survival!

Cue up theme music…

Ten Bloggers stranded on an island:

Monty ~ Charming, pleasant and Evil.
Utopia ~ A Mad Scientist, not insane, just pissed.
Sparky ~ Utopia’s Stoner Hubby.
Yummy! ~ The Mascot, desperate for attention.
Chad ~ Brash. Arrogant. Insane.
Tammy ~ An opinionated Midwestern Ball of Rage.
Rose ~ Underneath a sweet exterior, she is a brawler.
Mango ~ Stressed out, overworked, manic Engineer.
Mike ~ Gives all the appearances of being a really nice guy. He’s either doomed or he’s fooling us all.
Nat ~ The newest Shitty Blogger; a flower powered hippie from New England.

The Survivor realized that they didn’t have the skills to build shelter or catch food. Their only hope was rescue. They believed that Jeckles would send out a search party, but knew that the Shitty Blogs Club was strapped for cash. Their only hope was to come up with a catchy slogan would bring people from all of the world to the Shitty Blogs Club. Then hopefully, Jeckles would be able to mount an expensive rescue mission.

Each blogger retreated to their own ‘corner’ of the island to create a slogan. They somehow sensed that they would have to complete this by 6/19.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!

Ladies and Gentlemen (all of you Shitty Bloggers too,) I am pleased to announce that Shitty Blog Survivor will begin on Saturday (6/9/2007.)

Cue up theme music…

Here’s what you need to know:

The Rules

All rules are subject to my whims.
All rules are subject to be over ridden if an appropriate bribe is placed.

1. To play you must be a member in good standing.
2. The object of the game is to successful complete a series of tasks. Tasks will be assigned weekly. Each week one player will eliminated from the game (kicked off the island, so to speak.) The quality of task completion will be a large factor in determining elimination, but other factors will apply, including sportsmanship, sense of humor, applicable bribes, and enthusiasm. If a Survivor clearly outperforms all other Survivors on a given task, that Survivor may be granted Immunity for the next task. Immunity is granted at the sole discretion of the Shitmaster.
3. Each participant is required to document his or her progress on his or her blog. If your blog is too cool to be sullied with this kind of silliness, don’t sign up.
4. Participation is mandatory. If you can’t commit to several weeks of this nonsense, don’t sign up. Non-participation will result in disqualification, which is completely different than elimination. Non-participation will ruin this for the other contestants, so again, I urge not sign up unless you have the time and desire to play at this for several weeks.
5. Flaming, teaming up, hate mail, bitching, fussing, crying, scratching and yelling at the Shitmaster are all strictly prohibited and will result in disqualification and disgrace on your ancestors. Keep in mind, all but one participant will get kicked off he island. This means if you sign up, the odds are against you, even if you try really hard. This is supposed to be fun, if losing is too upsetting for you, don’t sign up.
6. Remember, this is for my entertainment. If people are getting mad and yelling at each other, or worse yet, yelling at me I’ll cancel the whole thing and just leave all of you on the island. If it is not fun, it is not worth doing.
7. I have heard rumors of a TV show called Survivor. I have never seen this show nor do I give a shit about this show. I don’t care how they do it on this so-called show, this my game and my rules.
8. Each task will be announced on the SBC Blog. Discussion will be available in the Talk Shit forum. Any questions about what any task can be directed to me. I will be available by IM to all participants. “I didn’t know that you could do that” is not a valid complaint, you can always ask.
9. Any disputes, questions or whatnot will be resolved by me and me alone. My decisions are final and binding. Questioning, publicly or privately any of my decision may lead to disqualification. This not a democracy.
10. Be a good sport, have fun and be nice. That isn’t too hard is it?

The Survivors

Monty
Utopia
Sparky
Yummy!
Chad
Tammy
Rose
Mango
Mike
Nat

SBS Journal

Each Survivor is encouraged to keep a journal of their experiences on Shitty Blog Island and update it on their blog regularly. More details will be forthcoming.

Shitty Blog Survivor Surround

All Survivors will be emailed essential information (Tasks, updates, et al.) but to get the complete experience, Survivors and Fans should Check this site. Survivors will be kicked off the Island live on Shitty Blog Radio (every Thursday night) and trash talk and other Survivor goodness will be discussed in the Talk Shit Forums. Finally you should check the blogs of each Survivor to see their Individual Performance, plus read their SBS Journal.

Be Proud. Be Shitty!